Dear Puiyan

Dear past, I had already let go my previous relationship for almost 2 months. Until I met this girl Mak Pui Yan, still remember our 1st met was at euro house main entrance, her 1st impression was " wow, she's so pretty, I hope to know her". At last we know each other, slowly we start our 1st date at jj corner for lunch. That was memorable, silly me, I scare 1st date was sucks so I rush to have a hair comb nearby salon. Haha! Slowly I fell in love with this adorable girl. We used to going out every night for dinner and movie, I spent almost every Sunday outing with her. I love to stick with her. Yeah! But too bad is I am too over sensitive, I cared too much, I jealous too much, I hardly to calm my mind in peaceful, is it the side effect or previous relationship that cause me hard to believe the one I love? Yes, I know Likuid is nothing towards her but my mind blows up too many of previous relationship, ex betrayed and so on. Damn! Fuck my mind! What happen to me? Can it just remove those god damn mind? This feeling makes me like hurting her, she just like recently ignoring me. I felt so guilty. What can I do? I don know how to talk to her. But my feels told me that I really love this girl so much. Yeah she might still not trusting me because of rumors outside. I was stunt when she told me that grace talking bout me. Haha! Nowadays youngster are so free to edit stuff and make stories to break people apart. Should I regret to be famous before? Hmmm, yes I might be a playboy for the past but I stopped for 2 years more already because I know will have karma towards me of being a playboy. But I am not my past anymore. People, can you don't judge me by my past? I am no lo get that Collin Hwang already. I just really hope to have a balance stable relationship who can accompany me until marriage. I am so tired to searching for a new partner in my life. Dear pui yan, I don know maybe someday you will see this blog, maybe I already left in this world or maybe we already no contact because of my stubborn attitude makes you leave or we are in a relationship right now? I don know, but I wanna tell you that I truly sincerity from my deepest heart tell you that I do really in love with you. You're special to me. I got one thing keeping in my heart, sometimes you mention something that I am not yours actually is quite hurting me, just I didn't tell, yeah I do stalk your wechat saw you told Likuid that I'm not your boy. It's so hurting, feels like crying. Even you put wallpaper on phone that got him makes me so jealous. I keep wondering am I just an option to you? Am I just a blister to you? I am so complicate right now, we do kissing, holding hands and hug. What are we actually? Unofficial relationship? Underground? A blister? A secret partner? A time passer? Or a boyfriend? Hmmm... So many question in my mind.. But I do really have so many wonderful memories and moments with you dear. I really hope that you will be my last. I just want simple, want you to trust me and always by my side. Can you be my girlfriend? Be my life? Be my future wife? My fiancée? I love you Mak Pui Yan.